This year while I am setting life and business goals, I’m also making dating goals. I am not talking about pictures for Instagram and other social media. In my recent interview with Stacii Jae Johnson, author of Date Girl! 143 Reasons Why I Believe Women Should Date Multiple Men With No Intimacy and hostess of
This year while I am setting life and business goals, I’m also making dating goals. I am not talking about pictures for Instagram and other social media. In my recent interview with Stacii Jae Johnson, author of Date Girl! 143 Reasons Why I Believe Women Should Date Multiple Men With No Intimacy and hostess of the Stacii Jae Sounding Off podcast, the dating and relationship fixer and I discuss the importance of men being deserving of our monogamy. “I can tell you that first of all what you don’t want to do is give yourself prematurely to anyone who does not deserve you in whatever way you feel deserving of it. For me it’s dependable, inspiring, complimentary, and enhancing to my life,” Stacii says. I felt that statement in my bones.
It’s January 1, 2018, and this is how I am looking at every man in my life. Last year I went back to a relationship (I know …), and long story short, the end result was eight months wasted and being not much further away from where I started, only now with blood pressure issues. Loving a weak man is detrimental to your health.
Now anyone who has been following my blogs knows I don’t discuss dating and relationships much. For one, I am the first to admit, I have never been in a healthy relationship. Almost anywhere there is a f***boy in need of a heart to play with, I am willing to put on my cape. Let me also say, now that I am aware of this bad habit, I am working dearly at it. However, before, I did not get it, and I found myself drifting from relationship to relationship, dealing with the same old problems.
Some men think I want too much. Some men think I need too much. For some men, I just am too much. I know we talked about our feminine energy with Yahya Smith in our Reconnecting with Self issue. I know that it’s not good to have too many masculine traits or even to attempt balancing both feminine and masculine energies, but I also know when a man is equally yoked with me, I am submissive. I have no problem with that, but that is when he shows himself deserving, but as Stacii and I also discussed, it depends on what we individually consider deserving. As I have grown over the years, the reasons why I would submit before are not the same reasons I would submit now. Before a man may only had to have been dependable, but now being complimentary and enhancing are also equally important.
It’s funny that she used the “enhancing” because not long ago while working on my book, I used it to describe my ex, who really wasn’t my ex from Atlanta. While I have the abilities to think outside of the box and come up with ideas, he would always enhance them, magnify them into something 10x bigger. That’s partly why I loved him the way I did. However, for all the light I possess, he held galaxies of darkness, but that is another story. In my last relationship, my ex had a problem with my ambition. I found myself feeling like I always had to dim my light to appease him. He didn’t like me working with male clients. He couldn’t handle my making more money than him, and he wanted me to follow along with his pipe dreams that he often abandoned midair. That’s not inspiring, dependable, complimentary, or enhancing. Soon I found myself with no clients and broke.
Of course my being in need, made him feel like a man, but it’s taken everything in me to not fall into depression and keep going. I am not doing that this year. My dating goals for 2018 are to:
- Date multiple men (with no intimacy of course) who are on my level.
- Be open and honest about my intentions and self.
- Watch for red flags.
- Be real with myself about what I see.
- Listen to my intuition.
- Exit when I see probable cause to do so, i.e. not seeing them deserving.
Of course, I may have to edit this list, as the year progresses, because I may notice other things along the way. I also joined a dating site, but it’s too soon to really comment on that, but I do exit whenever guys start bothering me about pictures. To me personally, it not only seems a little shallow, but I would much prefer you be interested in my mind than my body, and I know my conversation starters are good, so why are you so worried about pics? Just my thoughts of course…
Stacii Jae’s full interview will run in our upcoming issue. I will keep you guys posted on its publishing date. Until next time…
Peace and blessings,
Francheska “Fancy” Felder is the founder/publisher/EIC of SwagHer Magazine. She’s a
-Single mother of 3
– Trapping scribe
-Mental health advocate
– Country girl
-Proud, liberated Black goddess