Everywhere I look in society there is something new telling me, what is wrong with me. Clearly, I am broken and in need of being fixed. Essays on my attitude, my hair, my love life and more. Everyone can tell me about me, and I am still not fixed. In this blog, the pronoun, “I” is in place for The Black Woman. This is not saying that other women don’t go through things, but I can only identify with what I see in the mirror.
Everyone has an opinion on who I am, what I stand for, and why I can’t keep a man. I see articles on why I act the way I do and why I should straighten my hair. So many things that tell me I shouldn’t love my skin, my hair, or my career. I am broken and everyone has the solution.
I wrote the title of this blog down a couple of months ago, after having a discussion via Facebook that was geared towards why I am single. I was told and have been told that I am single because of the “B” word, BOSSY. The fact that I have my own thoughts and mind, made me an unlikely candidate to be someone’s wife. Ha! What a joke. I am told men want to be needed and wanted. What makes you think you are not wanted in my space? I do desire a man to come in and share my space, one that gets that I am a leader. But baby, I don’t mind you coming in and leading. Don’t be afraid when I challenge you on some things. No, it may not be right, but I must be sure that you have it, that you can handle it.
Men- well, some feel you should let your guard down when they first approach you and start saying silly what nots in your ear. No Boo, pretend I am from Missouri and show me. I can’t just hand over to you everything I have built and let you control it. I first must see how you handle your business and affairs. I want to see how you act in public, how you speak, and how you treat the women in your life. Do you Love God? Share with me your goals and dreams, not in questionnaire form but through mindless conversation. Allow me to get lost in your world as I connect the dots to see if this is chemistry or just lust.
I am told I am too hard; I am rough. I can be soft, but you have to show me I can be soft in your presence. I’m constantly told I have a bad attitude, but you don’t know what those that came before you did. I had to fight the desire to say because, well at least I had somebody that acted as if he cared. I had his back, and well- he didn’t have mine. I don’t want to judge you on his flaws, but I see some similarities, and I should proceed with caution.
It’s not that I don’t want love, but I have goals, and well- I still want to reach them. No, you are not in the way, unless I allow you to be in the way and even then, you are not in the way. I’ll make time for you, but I need to know you are worth it. I need you to know I was on a path before you got here. I was not just waiting on the side for you to make up your mind to get your act together and to find me. I know who I am. I have been defined by the Love of God. He told me I was created in his image, so there is a way I will allow you to handle me. Being a headstrong woman does not mean I must have a nasty attitude, and I ain’t no killer, but don’t push me. You can’t waste my time and expect it to be ok. You can’t treat me like the rest, because I am not the rest; that is what drew you to me. It was the rarity of my conversation, the smile in my eyes and my drive. I’m focused, man. No, I am not broken;I have just been told for too many years that I am not good enough, my butt ain’t big enough, my skin is not light enough, and my hair is not long enough. A Sista has a complex.
In the end, I, We, Them and She, are not broken. We are fighting to be heard in a society that looks down on us, even our men look down on us. Why can’t we be a trophy? Hey, love who you love but don’t “love” because you feel you are doing better so now you need “better”. A woman is a woman, son.
We, ourselves, must come out of the mindset that something is wrong with who we are naturally. Don’t follow the trend because you feel that will get you attention. Do it because it is something that you like. Enjoy being an individual. Know self. Know whose you are and place trust in them to walk into who you are becoming. Everyone has flaws, we all have a past. In some cases, well- we have been broken, but these solutions I am seeing, will not help fix them. Spend time with yourself and admire yourself in a mirror. There are no broken pieces. “Bossy” is not a compliment, for so long I thought it was. I felt it was cute. It is not, I am a leader. I am not “Bossy”. Show people how to treat you, and if they don’t treat you correctly or try to define you in a way that is not aligned with who you are, drop them. We carry too much dead weight as it is, sins from our fathers, passed down through our mothers. We heard the girl, you don’t need a man, you don’t have to change, but you do. Change comes with maturity and growth, in knowing who you are.
The Black Woman is Broken and she needs to be fixed. No, she doesn’t need to be fixed; she just needs to be understood.
-In the Wind