After watching the farewell from President Barack Obama, the love bug has been in an uproar. Social media is in a frenzy and people are convinced that’s the love you want. But, how?! What’s black love anyway? Let me tell you something about me – I LOVE all things MUSH! I mean, if you want over the top romantic mushy stuff, I’m your girl. I believe a woman should be worshiped, but not idolized. I believe that a woman is the queen and the man is her king. I sincerely believe in equality and the woman being that man’s help and so much more. However, what I’ve learned is that, that kind of love comes with great responsibility. You see, we want that Obama love look! We want those tears to arise when that man thinks of us. We desire him to simply praise our name and fall to pieces at the mere thought of us. We want that long dreamy stare that tells the world – this is real, but we negate many of the attributes that must accompany that man to get that expression of love.
You see, we only see the success of love, but oh, there’s a struggle with it too. We love love; that’s what we praise. We admire the sentiments, the joy; we’re hopelessly devoted to being cherished without knowing how to properly love him or teach him how to love us. In my opinion, honestly, many women in 2017 struggle to love and be transparent with themselves. In 2017, the “I’m so independent” has outweighed the complete authenticity of a woman. In 2017; we desire to be free, liberated sexual beings opposed to waiting until someone at least works for our sexual escapades.
I think we’re made to HELP him, meaning encourage him; love him; build him up. It means stand by him and support him. It sometimes means working through some of the hardest challenges you’ll ever face. We must stop giving “him” something that “he” hasn’t even earned or deserves from the start. The entire “Single Ladies” anthem seemed to have gone out the window in 2017, but it was popping before. Why? Because social media has virtually trained everyone to follow and want what the next person has. Some will say, “put a ring on it”, but will lay down with him the same night.
Some will allow him to occupy their time, knowing it’ll never lead to anything. In some cases, he’s told you – you’re not it – yet you still call! You can’t have that Obama Love without having you an Obama. Once you’re confident in you, transparent, and successful in your own right – then you can think about that “Obama Love”. Why!? Because he will FIND you! When you’re prepared – he arrives like a knight and shiny armor!
When you think of what you need, don’t think of what you want. You need a man, a good man. You know one who LOVES his mama. One who possesses integrity, character, dignity, and one who believes in you as much as you believe in him. One with whom communication never ends and always begins. You need someone who is worth just as much as you are in your weak areas. You need someone who has a plan, has his own identity and then – you may be able to consider “Obama Love.
Notice, I didn’t say a rich, young, wealthy, stallion. I didn’t say a man that has it all together, or is where you desire him to be. Nope, I didn’t say the perfect come up. Nor did I mention the man that’s already built; because truthfully, that comes a little later. Worrying about his pockets now will not have you in them later. (Think about that). The moral of the story – to get you an “Obama” you must first be a Michelle!
*Kyla D. Pruitt Ph.D., ABD, CLC *
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