Relationships 101: Super Serenity

Adobe Spark (28)

Adobe Spark (28)“If you don’t like something change it, if you can’t change it, change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou

Many of us have said or at least know the “Serenity” prayer.  Why?  Because it gives us a revelation that we can not change or fix everything.  Does that put us at peace? Maybe a little.  I actually looked up the definition of serenity the other day, just to see exactly what it meant.  The dictionary says “the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.”  Calm is one thing, peaceful is another, and well untroubled, that is a whole other thing.

We often find ourselves in situations where serenity doesn’t exist no matter how hard we try.  One of the hardest things in life is to accept there are some situations that no matter how hard we try we can’t do anything about.

Recently, I had this very revelation and finally after all these years the Maya Angelou quote made perfect sense.

There are some things, no matter how right we are, no matter how passionate we are about it….we simply can not change!  It is a frustrating thought, you may be angry and all out enraged by certain situations.  But at the end of the day, it will not change the situation.   If you are anything like me, you feel like you can change any and everything.  The feeling of helplessness will cause you to disrupt your whole train of thought and peace.  Been there, done that!  Since 2017 is the year of Unleashing for me.  I have to do things differently.  I am going into my 40th year and I refuse to go into the next 40 without learning and practicing “super serenity”.

How to get to super serenity? Here are some tips that I have learned and am practicing:

  1. Step away from the chaos.  Rather it is mentally or physically, you have to remove yourself from the situation.  This could mean shutting everything down (including your computer and phone).  This also may mean taking a walk or a drive. Sometimes, loving from a distance required real distance.
  2. Say No. No and No again.  Sometimes we are enabling the chaos because we want to be compliant.  If being compliant is disruptive, just say no and mean it. We will find ourselves in situations because we just go along to get along.  You know if you don’t have time, you know if it doesn’t feel right, and you know that you really don’t want to do it.  Just say no!
  3. Chose to be calm about it.  You can yell, scream, or cry.  At the end of the day you are hurting yourself because you are allowing your emotions to take control. Take some deep breaths and go to your happy place. If you don’t have a happy place, create one.
  4. Create a happy place.  Most of us have the one memory or thing we can think about that gives us pure joy.  If not, think about how life would be if you truly designed it. What would it feel like?  What would you be wearing?  What would you dine on? How successful would you be?  What would you do in your happy place? Visualization is a powerful tool.
  5. 5 minutes to 5 years.  I read a quote somewhere that put things in perspective also.  If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t allow it 5 minutes of your emotional peace.

BONUS: Ask yourself is this feeling based on fact or emotion?  Will me being emotional change the situation?  If it is based on fact, can I change it?  If I can’t change it, how can I change my attitude about it?

77% is the percent of people who regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress (source:statistic brain).

Find ways to practice “super” serenity that works for you.  If your mind goes blank, you can always go to the serenity prayer.

Peace & Love

Valencia Griffin-Wallace

P14

 

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As a wife, mother, business owner, and new vegetarian, I aim to help others to grow outside their comfort zone. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot and want to share it. I am a straight, no holds barred type of person. I give real advice and tips using my own life as an open book of experience for others. "Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein