Love and the Plus Size Woman

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“That’s right, I like my girls BBW.”

Ever since Drake said those lyrics in Nicki Minaj’s song “Only”, there has been more public appreciation for big, beautiful, curvy women.  As a plus sized woman myself, when I saw the newfound appreciation for curvy women like myself, all I could do was shake my head and smile.

I’ve never had a problem attracting men, contrary to what some would believe.  As a matter of fact, my curves used to get me into a whole lot of trouble when I was younger (LOL).  After I had my two sons, I did gain weight, some of which has still refused to come off even though my oldest son is ten (no longer baby weight, it’s here to stay LOL), yet that still didn’t affect my ability to catch a man’s eye and it certainly didn’t stop my love life.

While Drake may have made loving us BBWs a little more popular, we’ve been in.  For whatever reason though, some people seem to think that we are lonely, desperate or will take whatever man comes our way.  Wrong! We also don’t suffer from low self-esteem or feel extremely self-conscious about our appearance.  All of those are myths that are simply untrue.  Just because we have a little more to love does not mean that we will take any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes our way.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  We still have the same high standards that slender women have when it comes to love and dating.  Rude, disrespectful men that don’t take care of their responsibilities need not apply.

Also, as much as some people would like to think otherwise, we have excellent sex lives as well.

So what’s the big deal about love and the plus sized woman?  Everything… and nothing.  People seem to forget that we are still regular women at the end of the day.  We need to be treated the same as any other woman.  Wine us, dine us, and romance us.  All the good stuff.  On top of that, we need to know that whomever we choose to date is not ashamed to date us.  That sounds simple enough, given the newfound adoration being shown to women that have a little more to love right?

Wrong.

While we’ve always had men that love and adore us, there are still those who’d rather date us in private than admit their love for us in public.  Although we have more beautiful, curvy models than ever gracing magazine covers and runways, today’s beauty standards are still what they have always been, give or take the “models” with petite waist lines but plus size backsides.  I know plenty of women, including myself, that receive an abundance direct messages and inboxes on social media from men who would never think to show us off in public but have no problem showing their affection when they think no one is looking.  That is simply unacceptable, and no woman should accept it, regardless of her size.  If a man is too ashamed to take you in public at two o clock in the afternoon, don’t answer his two o clock phone call.

Basically, we are the same as any other woman, so we require the same things.  A man should aim to make us feel like a priority.  Respect us.  Show us that we are a priority.  Give his loyalty because we give it back tenfold.  He should also recognize the prize that he has in his life if he’s lucky enough to have one of us because one thing for certain, two thing for sure, if he doesn’t another man surely will.  And of course, they should always tell us that we are beautiful.

In a world where we don’t fit into the beauty standards, we have created our own.  If a man doesn’t see it, it’s no problem to get one who will.

-Tiana Grover

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