From What to Understanding

what

what

There was a period in my life when I literally thought it was all about me. No, I wasn’t vain. No, I wasn’t egotistical. I was mindful of others, however I thought every negative comment, every bad perception of me was true and was my fault.

It would be nearly 38 painful, exhausting, excruciating long years before I would leave the land of what and arrive on the beautiful island of understanding.

You may be wondering what in the world is she talking about? If you are… GREAT! What I am referring to is people’s inexcusable, inexplicable, uninspiring desire to place people with dinosaur sized dreams in a box.

I wondered whaaat in the world was I doing wrong? Why would I have so many negative people rising against me or testing me? I mean I was kind. I was genuine. I was authentically me. I was unafraid to have my flaws on display. I was open and honest, and I did not shy away from conflict.

The thing that I was experiencing, (which by the way was not only unique to me) is what I’d like to refer to as ENDURANCE TRAINING. There was a larger plan for my life than I could have ever fathomed! I found out without these obstacles, without these challenges, without these catalysts, I would never have grown or become useable.

I had noticed that no matter how nice, how accommodating, how smart, how fierce, or how patient I would be; someone would always test me or take my kindness for weakness. I realized that not everyone would accept the gifts that I would be willing to sow into their lives. Even though they took them physically and devoured them, it would never be received with the true spirit of acceptance.

I quickly observed that not everyone that I came into contact with would have an agenda that would benefit me. I also learned that trustworthy was not a word that a lot of people could spell, let alone know the meaning.

I realized that some people… no matter how strong, how refined, and how well put together they looked on the outside; could be a heaping hot mess of mixed up emotionless tormented souls on the inside.

They looked happy. Yet there was always a dimness in their eyes. They looked perfectly creased and manicured, but the fabric of their being wore more wrinkles than a counterfeit one hundred dollar bill tossed in a dryer full of poker chips. They were secretly worried that someone would find out they were human. Oh the nerve!

They secretly cowered in a corner fearfully concerned that someone would figure out that they were not always right. They would crouch in the recess of their minds making their deficiencies everyone else’s.

It appeared that whatever idea that I presented, they had thought of it before. Whatever I could do they could do better. No one and I do mean NO ONE- could have an original thought that was more well thought out that their own!

That was the very moment I went from whaaaaat to understanding. I then understood that these people were in my life to serve three purposes; to bring out the best in me, to purge the worst out of me, and to prepare me for elevation.

Their behaviors would assist with purging me of the things that would hold me back as leadership. I would look at the behaviors that they so arrogantly displayed and I would choose opt out of. They would perfectly pitch the strike that would end the game on me being judgmental, subjective and down right rude!

These brilliantly careless folk, would be more than dutiful with preparing me for the personalities that I would one day encounter, that would be shall we say … much more challenging as I climbed up the ladder. And each new encounter would shine this soon to be stand alone diamond a little more each day!

Thank you for allowing me once again to share my thoughts. I would love to hear about your journey from what to understanding.

Regards,

lala

Laurinda a.k.a #legacyofLove

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