relationships 101

relationships 101How many of us have relationships because it looks good in public?  You guys are the perfect couple.  Everyone says so.  But when you go home, there is no love, no respect, nothing of any substance, but it looks good so let’s roll with it.  I had a relationship like that, from the outside looking in it looked really good.  We looked happy and it seemed to everyone else I had THE life.

Truth be told, I pretty much hated his guts.  Going home was a miserable feeling, especially if my son was not there.  I hung in there though.  For too many years.  I didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy.  Who cares if he was overbearing and possessive, right?  I mean it was okay that I had to plan a girls night months in advance, right?  Wrong.  While I knew it wasn’t right, I was encouraged to stay in that relationship.  Yes, I called and had a discussion with a few people about it.  The crazy thing was the people whose opinion I trusted, failed me.  I was told to have a girls night at the house by myself if I wanted to have fun.  I was told that him being overbearing was okay as long as he wasn’t hitting me.  I was wrong because I wanted a life outside of being with him.  I should be content because I had a man who took care of me and had a job, apparently that was enough for some.

So I went through year after year in what I call a “cute” relationship.  Year after year of “I should feel lucky” instead of happy.  Like the song says every woman has a breaking point.  I had mine.  I was done with a capital D.  I knew walking away meant starting over completely.  All the years of building was now going to be under construction.  Was my happiness worth it?  Was my life worth it?  I decided yes.

I knew when I walked away from that relationship, I would be blamed.  I didn’t care, my happiness and my life was at stake.  So I left!  Enough of the cute relationship.

It is not an easy pill to swallow, but when someone is not for you…there is no amount of money, no amount of time, no amount of anything that is going to make it so.  Had I not left that cute relationship, I would have never known what a real one was.  Which is what I have now.  I learned in between cute and real you find your truth.  My truth was, I am a strong woman and either a man was going to respect that or I would remain single.

Because I knew what I didn’t want to feel like, when my husband came along it made things easier.  I did go through some questioning of myself and my own strength.  I did question if I just was little less “me” maybe that relationship would have worked.  So I was all prepared to live the rest of my life as a single woman, God had other plans.

That is why I talk about relationships.  A lot of us are going around in really, really cute ones and miserable.  People will encourage you to stay there like being happy should be last on your list.  Don’t miss your real relationship because of a cute one!

Peace & Love

Valencia Griffin-Wallace

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As a wife, mother, business owner, and new vegetarian, I aim to help others to grow outside their comfort zone. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot and want to share it. I am a straight, no holds barred type of person. I give real advice and tips using my own life as an open book of experience for others. "Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein