I have a great relationship, it’s not perfect, but it is pretty great!  However, make no mistake, I learned from failed ones what not to do.  A lot of times when a relationship goes wrong, we blame the other person without looking at what part we played in the demise.  Relationships are work!  As the youngsters say “FACT”!  If you want it to work, it takes work.  A relationship is a living breathing thing and all living things depend on something for it’s survival.  So from my years of experience of doing it wrong, I’m going to list what I did right this time.

  1. Know what you will and won’t accept from the beginning.  A lot of times we let certain things slide because we are just dating that person, however if that dating turns into marriage, will that behavior be acceptable?
  2. Fight fair.  If you don’t want it said to you, don’t say it to the person you love.  I cringe when I hear people arguing with their mate like they would someone on the street.  You can’t take back words and years later that person will remember that.
  3. Date and be best friends.  Take time out to date.  Even though both of you guys may have busy lives, find time to date.  That may mean take out and a movie on the couch.  A date is a date!  A lot of time we call our best friend when we are frustrated or something great happens.  For me that is my husband and for him that is me!  That may not work for everyone, but if you don’t like the person you are with, you surely can’t love them!
  4. Keep everyone out of your relationship.  Your business is your business.  You don’t need the opinion from your friends about what is going on.  If it doesn’t sit right with you, that is all the confirmation you need.
  5. Have fun together.  Anyone that has ever been around my husband and I knows we are silly.  Frankly, to be married to me, he had to have a sense of humor.  I like to randomly bust out in song with the remote and YouTube.
  6. Respect who they are.  This means in all ways.  My husband is an early night, early morning person.  I am not, never have been, never will be.  When I go to bed at 2 in the morning, I am quiet because I know he is sleep.  When he gets up at 4 am, he is quiet because I am sleep.  It is little things like this that shows respect and love.
  7. Small acts of love.  Every now and then my husband will leave a note saying he loves me.  Every now and then, I will put out his comfortable clothes for when he gets off of work.  It’s those little acts that shows love, he doesn’t have to come home with roses everyday.
  8. Know your roles, respect the partnership.  My husband is the head of the house.  It is certain things I handle as the woman of the house and as the head, it is certain things he handles.  I am strong, but I am also a wife.  If the clothes need to be washed, we work together to get it done.  If I am too busy to cook, he will offer to pick something up on the way home.
  9. Make other people respect your relationship. For everyone this is different, however for me this means when my husband is at home I am off-limits.  Unless it is an urgent matter, I will get off the phone and spend time with him.  When we go in public and I see someone I know, I always introduce him.  I have seen people who let their mates stand there looking crazy while they are gabbing with a stranger.  A man’s house is his castle, don’t allow violators in.
  10. You are different people, learn from that.  My husband knows how to play chess, I don’t.  Next year it is my goal to learn how to play chess.  That is partially, because I want to learn and the other part is so we can play together.

BONUS TIP:  SUPPORT EACH OTHERS VISION!–As I get more into speaking and mentoring, my husband speaks life into me and supports me.  One day I was frustrated dealing with something with my upcoming event and venting.  My husband said something that made me realize how much he really does believe in me.  “Don’t worry about them.  They just don’t know who you are YET!”  I stopped dead in my tracks.  When someone endlessly supports and believes in you, there is no better feeling.  Hope this helps, it is never to late to redirect your relationship!

Peace & Love

Valencia Griffin-Wallace

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As a wife, mother, business owner, and new vegetarian, I aim to help others to grow outside their comfort zone. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot and want to share it. I am a straight, no holds barred type of person. I give real advice and tips using my own life as an open book of experience for others. "Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein