LOVELIFE: Captain and First Mate

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Many of us get in relationships when we don’t know what we want.  We let society, television, and even our family and friends dictate our love lives.  Television will have you think that you are going to find some rich, handsome man to sweep you off your manicured toes, pay all of your bills and have you sitting pretty. According to E40, we want to be saved.  However, Captains like that don’t need first mates, just a crew to do the grunt work!

So if you are looking for a Cap’n, ask yourself are you first mate material.  We often have unreasonable check off list that even the Pope himself wouldn’t qualify for.  Look at the people who you are listening to and ask yourself are they happy?  Better yet look at your list, if you were a man would you qualify?

Truthfully, relationships work when the partners are equally yoked or at least in the same egg.  That doesn’t mean you guys wear matching shoes, but that your goals are similar.  If you are looking to gain a relationship to achieve some type of “kept” status, it won’t work.  My husband is the man of the house and I fully support that.  That means I take care of home.  Yes, I have a business and yes, I have a million dollar vision for our lives, but he is still the man of the house.  That means if I can help it, business shuts down when he is home.  Being who he is, my partner, he supports everything I do and never ask me to do that.  However, as first mate I have to do my part in order for this boat to run.  A lot of times, as women, we want to usurp the role of the man.  If this is the case, you might not be ready for a Cap’n save anything.

You don’t have to give up your strong womanhood in order to please anyone.  If you do, that is not the man for you.  Having a man who is secure in himself is more important.  I speak from experience! Define who you are, define who he is then see if that will work out.  People need to stop wasting time on what they think they want without really look at the importance of it all.  It is my goal to make our ship a yacht and my husband being supportive is the key.

So let me sum it up, a relationship is a ship!  A well-built ship will outlast a pretty ship any day.  Think about the Titanic!  Make sure you have the right Captain and better yet make sure you are the right first mate!


Valencia Griffin-Wallace



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As a wife, mother, business owner, and new vegetarian, I aim to help others to grow outside their comfort zone. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot and want to share it. I am a straight, no holds barred type of person. I give real advice and tips using my own life as an open book of experience for others. "Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein