20 years. Wow. 20 years. I have been in the same love affair for 20 years. Our anniversary is coming up and so I reflect on the journey we have had together. Everyone wouldn’t understand the type of relationship we have. It’s a gut-wrenching type of love. The kind of love that you wake up in the middle of the night for. You go to sleep with it on your mind and wake up with the hunger for it on your breath. There have been moments that I have doubled over with physical pain because my heart was so entwined and torn. Have you ever loved like that? Lost sleep over it? Dreamed about it at night? Sleepwalking during the day because it consumes your mind?
It’s intoxicating. It’s one of those relationships that has its moments where you just want to quit and give it up but in the very next moment you are willing to give it your all and make it work. I would have, wanted to, and did go the distance for it. Lost friends over it and missed times with family because of it. My first love. My love that at times didn’t love me back. My love that showed me love in its own way. My love was cruel to me at times, showing me that it wouldn’t bend just because I was in need of it at the time. My love that wouldn’t let me go, but at times hurt me so badly that I didn’t think I could stay another day. My love for over 20 years has at times let me down in the most critical of moments but then came back through the back door to save the day, to save my heart, and to save my sanity.
I fell in love 20 years ago not knowing what the future would hold or if we even had a future together. Even to this day my love brings me to my knees and I ask how did God come to pair the two of us together. There is definitely a higher plan because I’m still here, and I am still very much in love. Only my faith in God’s plan has kept us together this long. If I did not believe I probably would have left a long time ago. For my love has broken my heart so many times. But then I think of the good times. Those exhilarating moments that thrill you to no end. That rush that drive’s you and keeps you locked in its grip. My love knows how to keep me, even when I have tried to leave. My love knows me, knows my DNA, knows my temperature and knows at what rate my heart beats. I go to sleep with and wake up to my love every night. My love has seen me through tough financial times (and maybe, here and there, may have cause some). My love has seen me through many triumphs. My love motivated me to step out and try new things and explore life to the fullest.
We’ve been through a lot my love and I. Yet, I’m still here. I am still in love. And we are very much still together my love and I. I’m in love with the HUSTLE. HUSTLE is in my DNA. My love and I are forever.
Felicia L. Hamilton