Whoever would have thought it would take me turning thirty to get to know myself. It seems as if there would be nothing new left to discover, but I have learned that to be wrong. The more I learn and further I push myself and my limits, the more I feel distant from those around me. It’s like being surrounded by people, but being around no one on your level.
You know how in a horror or suspense movie, there’s that one person who is begins to suspect something or someone but no one else wants to hear it? That is how growth can separate us from others. Sometimes we begin to notice more who are like us, more who are also on a journey who can relate, but we never would have noticed them before we became conscious. It is good to connect with those people. You can encourage and sharpen each other.
These times can be lonely; I know firsthand. However, throughout these times, I am learning more and more about myself, discovering things, I never recognized before. As crazy as it sounds, but at the age of thirty, I now I understand why my closest family always said I was both knock kneed and pigeon toed, because I am now that I understand what being pigeon toed is. Before now, I never took the time to notice. One morning while driving to work, I discovered I have a lisp. I realized years ago, my youngest daughter had one and assumed it was because my mama had one (that I did not notice until I was teenager and a friend mentioned it). I know it sounds silly, but I only realized it because I was wondering why I struggle with saying the greeting at my job.
While neither of these self-discoveries are overly exciting, I know it would have taken longer to discover them if I did not have this type of time to myself. In my time alone, I am learning myself,flaws and all, but I am also growing more comfortable with me. I evaluate my feelings often and go deeper to wonder why I am feeling that way. I am learning to trust myself and my instincts, while noticing more quickly when things are off. People think just because they have spent years with themselves, they know everything they are, everything they are capable of, but in actuality, often times we really don’t. Take some time to explore you, to better understand what others enjoy about you, what you contribute to world.
From Fancy w/ Love