Dear CRF, I Hate My Fiancé’s Mother

Dear CRF,

“What do you do when your soon to be mother in law is a certified bitch and your man won’t defend you against her disrespect?”


Having problems with mother in laws is not a new phenomenon. It happens more often that you’d think. I don’t know the women so I won’t speculate on her reasons for treating you harshly. What I can discuss with you is how to handle her, if you choose, and your fiancé.

Let’s begin with him. First, let’s show some empathy because he’s truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. The two women he loves the most can’t seem to get along. (I surely hope you’re not calling his mother a bitch when you speak to him, that’s a no no). While it’s easy to say that he should stick up for you, and I do believe he should, maybe he doesn’t have the tools or the know how. He surely doesn’t want to disrespect his mother, and I don’t think you want a man who would disrespect his mother. Also, you can’t expect him to check her in front of you. Allow him to speak to his mother about the stress SHE is causing him because of her treatment of you. See what I did there? I took the focus off of you and placed it on him. Trust when I say, happy wife happy life means something. If his mother is making you unhappy I don’t doubt that is affecting him as well.

Talk to you fiancé. Let him know that you appreciate that this is a difficult position for him to be in and that you want to support him but you also need him to support you.

As for the mother, I’d kill her with kindness. Not a pretense type of kindness, but a love your neighbor as you love yourself type of kindness. If you go to church, invite her to yours, or even better visit hers. Take some time to work on the relationship you have with her, outside of the relationship you have with her son. Whether that’s a dinner date, shopping, or manicure pedicures, give her some of you. Let her see why her son loves you so much that he’s asked you to be his wife.

Now if she’s one of those mothers that is hell bent on being nasty, then cease and desist. At least you will walk away knowing you tried your best.

Lastly, remember when you marry him, you’re marrying into his family and all that comes with it. No family is without some dysfunction. As long as you and your fiancé both support each other you will be fine.

~Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag

About Dena Reid, Esq.

Founder and President of Code Red Flag, Dena Reid Esq. is a legally trained Conflict Mediator, Best Selling Author, and Motivational Speaker.

Ms. Reid’s mediation practice specializes in family and domestic disputes. She holds a Bachelors of Science from Cornell University as well as a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law Center. Additionally, Ms. Reid holds numerous certifications in mediation and arbitration from the Scheinman Institute on Conflict Resolution. Ms. Reid has also worked as Commissioner of Mediation for the Federal Mediation & Conciliation Service. She uses her trainings and experience to help families and couples deal with conflict in a productive and mutually beneficial manner.

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